Not Guilty

I couldn't sleep. I was supposed to be asleep about 5 hours ago, but I'm still wide awake.

I went to the fridge and ate two more fake puddings. Also some rice and broccoli. It's great being a vegan.

I think I know how I got on this pudding craze. It's this career change thing. Working 12-14 hours at a time, having no idea what I'm doing, running off two hastily scarfed power bars and one leisurely eaten banana, leaves a guy kind of subliminally hungry, even if he is too stressed to actually have an appetite.

Meanwhile, all these patients are looking at us and asking, "You having anything to eat?" And they look at us like they hope we have pudding. Well, actually, more like they're thinking of meaty stew and tender chicken wings, and like pudding is the farthest thing from their minds.

So we smile really, really big and say, "Yes, we have crackers, jello, and pudding! And four kinds of juice!" And then we clap our hands together like we're really excited.

And they laugh. They think we're joking. Works every time. But once reality sets in, the choice is already set. We don't bother to tell them that jello is available only on lucky days, because they will ALWAYS ask for pudding. And we also don't remind them that these items are infinitely better than the army rations slop that's served during the day, because that would REALLY depress them.

So all the patients have pudding in their rooms all the time around the clock. And I'm running around, and some shameful part of me is thinking, "You bastards, even though your face is shot off and your legs are broken and you have multiple stab wounds to your abdomen and you s___ out your stomach instead of your a__, and you're crying alone in your room all night with pain, at least you get to lie there and eat pudding!"